The Last Confederate(click here)

1. I miss the Knight Rider Big Wheel. I want my son to have one.

2. The Snorks fucking rocked !

3. I want Voltron to be on DVD.

4. This world would be better if idiots moved to France.

5. Poke Smot, Batch A Cuzz.

6. There once was a woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didnt know what to do....Stop fucking, you damn whore !

7. What the hell ever happened to Bill of Bill & Ted ?

8. Is that asian child-whore girlfriend from The Wonder Years doing porn now ?

9. After a 50 year wait, we need to wait 50 more years for flying cars. 10. Shaggy is a pothead, why else would he enjoy dog food ?

11. When attending a cockfight, dont order a chicken sandwich.

12. There is no knowledge that is not power.....good thing youre stupid.

13. The number 13 is not unlucky at all (doube-negative, take it as you wish).

14. You are all going to die...one day.

15. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

16. This is the end of the Announcements. Sebby Corp thanks none of you.







Pickup Lines for Geeks

Nice Set of Floppies !

Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.

I'd like to play on your laptop.

Need me to unzip your files?

If you were an ISP I'd dial you all day long

I'd like to boot up your PC !

I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen.

I've got a 21 inch... (monitor)

I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...

Your homepage or mine?







BEER QOUTES:

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa



Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach

you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemmingway



Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than

alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill



Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

-- Catherine Zandonella



Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill



Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. - Winston's reply



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Henny Youngman



You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

-- Dean Martin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -- Jack Handy



Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry



Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -- David Moulton



People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI



Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

-- Kaiser Wilhelm



I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

-- Homer Simpson



Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde



I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Nathan



They who drink beer will think beer. -- Washington Irving



An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway



He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin



The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart









Computer Acronyms



PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI - System Can't See It

DOS - Defective Operating System

BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM - I Blame Microsoft

DEC - Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW - World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding ofMathematics

COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software's Only (for)Fools (&) Teenagers.







"Computer Error"

Judy was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T









This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar but thinks "What the heck, I really want a drink".

A gay waiter swishes up to him and says "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer is shocked and says "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink".

The gay waiter says "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."

So the customer says "all right, what's the name of YOUR penis?".

The gay waiter says "NIKE... you know, JUST DO IT".

The customer thinks for a moment and says "The name of my penis is "Secret".

"SECRET ?" says the waiter, confused.

The customer says "Yeah ... STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!".







Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.

All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says,

"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"







Top 10 Worst Things to Hear at the Tattoo Parlor

10. "EAGLE? I thought you said BEAGLE."

9. "We're all out of red, so I used pink."

8. "There are two o's in Bob, right?"

7. "Sorry sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."

6. "That call was for you.... Hope you meet somebody else named Tahiti Sweetie."

5. "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

4. "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

3. "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

2. "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."

1. "OOPS."